REVIEW – Atheists Who Kneel and Pray by Tarryn Fisher

ATHEISTS WHO KNEEL AND PRAY BY TARRYN FISHER

Yara Phillips is a wandering muse.

She dates men who need her, but always moves on to something new, never staying in one place for very long.

David Lisey is in need of a muse.

A talented musician lacking lyrical inspiration. When he first sees her, he knows he’s found what he’s been looking for.

Yara believes she can give David exactly what he needs to reach his full potential:
A broken heart.

David’s religion is love. 

Yara’s religion is heartache.

Neither is willing to surrender, but religion always requires sacrifice.

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PLAYLIST

“Musicians were the gods that gave melody to pain, summed it up in rhyme and rhythm. It was easy to feel connected to the person who strummed, or keyed, or sang recognition into your existence. And it was easier to believe they wrote songs just for you. This is mine, they’re singing about what’s mine. How much more extreme did this feeling become when the person singing your pain looked like David Lisey?”

-Atheists who Kneel and Pray

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RAMBLING REVIEW:

Having gone through many drafts of this review, I came to the realization that maybe my words won’t do Atheists who kneel and pray justice, not really. This book is different. It’s an experience and one I won’t forget any time soon. But I can use this blog post as a way to express everything this book made me feel as best I can. This isn’t going to be like any of my normal reviews. It will be a bit more of a personal rambling blog post. A blog post that I hope will help me express how much Atheists who kneel and pray means to me.

When I read a Tarryn Fisher book, I always get more than just a story. I come out a little wiser, a little braver. I feel less alone. So bare with me. This book has suddenly given me the courage to be open and share what I don’t normally talk about with just anyone.

*deep deeeeeeep breaths**

My name is Stephanie for those that don’t know me. Four years ago I was diagnosed with something called Transverse Myelitis which is….  Inflammation of both sides of one section of the spinal cord. This neurological disorder often damages the insulating material covering nerve cell fibers (myelin). Transverse myelitis interrupts the messages that the spinal cord nerves send throughout the body.

One minute I was getting ready for work and the next I was paralyzed from the neck down. Within an hour my world was completely flipped upside down. I went from being an independent girl, working full time, going out dancing every chance I had to being completely dependent on my family. It was a hard pill to swallow, one that still is. The first year was the hardest. I hated leaving the house, hated being seen in a wheelchair. Hated getting asked/told, “What’s wrong with your legs?” What’s wrong with you?” “You’re too pretty to be in a wheelchair.” “I feel bad for you.” “You’re an inspiration.” “I wish I was in a wheelchair, I’m tired of walking.” It took some time for me to brush off the questions and comments but with help from my family and friends I began to see the light at the end of tunnel. With physical therapy, I started to improve. I started to feel more comfortable in my own skin. I started setting goals for myself, and little by little, I would achieve them. But as time went on, no matter how many improvements I was making, that light seemed to get further and further away.

I was 21 when this happened to me, I spent my 22nd birthday in the hospital. I’m 26 now and I still use my wheelchair because walking for half an hour exhausts me. This wasn’t at all how I wanted to live my 20’s. I’m 26 and walking from my room to the bathroom shouldn’t be exhausting, but as frustrating as it is, it’s my reality.

Don’t get me wrong I have my good days, I even have BEST days where I wake up with so much energy I want to take over the world, but lately those have been rare. Again, don’t get me wrong, I have a good life, I have an incredible family and friends that support me and help me in any way they can. But lately, I haven’t been feeling like myself, I don’t laugh like I used to. Even on my bad days I would laugh, but now everything seems tasteless. I also went through a break up right in the middle of experiencing of all this. That did something to my mind. It broke me a little bit more.

This is where reading comes into play. Reading became my way of escaping myself and what had happened to me. Instead of crying for hours at night, I would read. One night, I came across a book called The Opportunist by none other than Tarryn Fisher. This was when reading changed for me. It went from being an escape to being a learning experience. Tarryn was the author I didn’t know I needed. This was the moment where I thought… “This book was written just for me.” I saw myself in Olivia (the main character from The Opportunist). I learned from Olivia. She was a breath of fresh air.

With each story I read by Tarryn, I learned a lot about life through her own experiences she has been kind enough to share with her readers. I’ve come to realize that we are all a little broken and it is okay. That having flaws isn’t a terrible thing. Tarryn taught me and many others to embrace and love our flaws.

But for the past year I have felt stuck. Yes, I was able to move and walk and stand, not at 100% but it’s a major improvement from how I was four years ago. So why was I feeling uninspired, and unsatisfied with my life? Nothing I did felt like it had purpose. I stopped going to physical therapy, I closed myself off from my family and friends. I began to feel very heavy. 

Tarryn’s WORDS have the ability to unravel you little by little, without you even knowing. They dare you to look inside yourself and make you question everything you thought to be true.

I was fortunate enough to read an arc of AWKAP and let me tell you… it was an experience I won’t ever forget. When I get asked what Fisher book is my favorite, I always say that it’s The Opportunist but sometimes, depending on the day and the mood I’m in, I’ll say it’s Mud Vein. But now my answer has changed… If someone were to ask me which of Tarryn Fisher’s books is my favorite… 😊

I can’t believe I’m going to say this but Atheist Who Kneel and Pray knocked TO and MV out of that #1 spot. This book opened me up and made me feel things I had sealed up a long time ago. Ughhhhh feelings. Go AWAY!!! But I am so thankful to Tarryn for writing and sharing Yara’s story. For sharing her own experiences with us all. With this book you see and feel how much Tarryn has grown as an author and as a person. It’s been amazing getting to witness such growth.

If you’ve read a Fisher book, you know you’ll always end up highlighting quote after quote and certain paragraphs tend to stick out more than others. I know I have certain passages from each book that speaks to my soul. With AWKAP it’s no different, but there is ONE specific quote that struck a chord for me. I couldn’t stop crying after I read it. I’m going to share the quote from the book and my text message to Tarryn. Its the only way that can properly express what this book did to me.

“Sometimes people just get stuck and they need a David Lisey to break them out of their stuckness.”

Tarryn, I have felt stuck for the past couple years and I feel like it’s only gotten worse. Atheists Who Kneel and Pray is my David Lisey. This book woke me up. I want to be better. I will be better. Thank you for writing this book.

It’s as if this book allowed me to see color again. It woke me up. It allowed me to see that I’m indeed stuck and I wasn’t living my life like I should, like I deserved. I have been taking everything for granted and Atheists Who Kneel and Pray snapped me out of it. I don’t want to sit back and let my life slip between my fingers.

ATHEISTS WHO KNEEL AND PRAY is my David Lisey and it’s here to break me out of my stuckness. 

This book is healing me and I hope it gives you what it gave me. 

Tarryn wants to show us women that there is redemption.

And I believe it. 

Atheists Who Kneel and Pray gives Redemption a whole new meaning and it’s powerful.

I am reborn.

❤

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Thank you for the taking the time to read. It’s not easy for me to open up to just anyone, but I had the sudden urge to share and spill all my thoughts and feelings. Damn you Tarryn. I love you. 🙂